Go! Team in Shanghai

Went to an awesome concert this weekend, the Brit band Go! Team came to Shanghai for a one night concert. The often somewhat empty Absolute House was packed with I believe 2/3s of the foreigners in Shanghai. I also appreciated running into not one of my editors but both of them (I’ve taken up freelance writing again…) Yay for running into your bosses at bars.

The night was pretty bitter sweet though since this is Rohan’s last night in Shanghai. He’s gotten too cool for the rest of us and is moving to Beijing this week. We accept we can’t hold a candle to being the Man at Super 8 Hotels (China division) but I think he’s going to miss Shanghai (it’s like choosing DC over NYC, you just don’t do that).

Anyway, I’ll post the rest of the pictures later but here are a few from Saturday night:

Check out the rest of the picts from the night

Point taken

So I found an great time waster: Stumbleupon.com. On my first go around with it, I came across this site. Here it is reposted for your reading pleasure:

Why Can’t I Own a Canadian?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

His First

Though I would post this momentous occasion, Todd made his first Hydrogen bomb recently. Granted the pop was less than impressive (this time). It’s nice to know you can make a decent bomb with a reversible hydrogen fuel cell, two bottle caps, water and a match.

This is one of the fuel cells his company sells. Also check out one of the more colorful blogs about it.

 

Thanks Allure

Just when I’ve gotten to a country where I don’t have 6 friends all sharing my name (although I do missed the friends, I don’t miss the name jokes), I get this article… I appreciate the deep reporting and amount of research that went into this. I do agree about Chris’ though.

Jessicas Are All Pretty Bitches

“It wasn’t like I was Jessica or something. All the pretty girls were named Jessica.” So says Liv Tyler in the new issue of Allure magazine, where the Lord of The Rings elf-lady laments her given name (bestowed upon her by her rock-band groupie mother Bebe Buell after Bebe spotted Norwegian actress Liv Ullmann on the cover of, uh, TV Guide). And although Liv Tyler is now older, probably prettier and definitely richer than all the Jessicas who made her life such a living hell, the actress brought up an important point: What is it with Jessicas? An informal, 3-person poll around the Jezebel office concluded thus: Jessicas are not only pretty, they’re also often kind of evil!

Anna, for one, has had uniformly bad experiences with most of the Jessicas she’s come across (back-stabbing, unnecessarily competitive, conniving, and don’t get her started on Seinfeld’s wife) as has Moe (“They’re mean, popular, showered with attention. I mean, my best friend is named Jessica but it’s not like I”m going to go out looking for ‘Jessicas’ to befriend.”) And don’t get Jenny started either: (“I do not like Jessicas. They are the blonde mean girls, the ones who talk to you with an expression on their faces like they think you’re a big fat loser. Jessicas are just not nice girls. Jessica at camp was a bitch. And I went to college with Jessica Biel. And I do have a beef with her!”) Okay, then! Jessicas — even (or especially!) the famous ones! — suck! But when it comes to names that inspire hatred or admiration — logical or otherwise — can we blame nature or nurture? Do Jessicas suck because they were simply born that way or because they became that way through the normal parry and thrust that is childhood socialization? And is the same true for women with “nice” names like, say, Emily or Julie or Stephanie or Elizabeth or Sarah? We’re gonna investigate this further — in the midst of dodging the verbal bullets sure to come our way from those who know and love a Jessica! — in later posts, but let us know in the comments. And don’t be shy — give it up for the boys too. (Never trust a Chris, we like to say!).

Don’t Drink the Great Wall

Here’s a new article covering a local wine store. It’s a pretty good place, about 5 minutes from my house and they have good tastings.

The really fun part of this place is that these THE most ridiculous guy who works there who no fail insults or make every guest feel extremely uncomfortable. This most recent verbal ladu? He asked Rohan first why his hair looked so bad/messy… then followed up with a question about if he was losing it. He connected the hair style to being a possible reason for hair loss.

I love China.

Expedited Services in China

If anyone was wondering about a concrete response to the recent cat fight between China and the US over imports/exports it’s probably all summed up in a phone call I got from Todd on Monday. (For those who don’t know who Todd is, well, you’re a bit slow.) Todd is in charge of sales for the America for a startup company in China. They work in China but refuse to sell to China. Something about China’s high esteem for IPR issues.

Todd’s company is a pretty run-of-the-mill for companies in China YET… it’s incorporated in Singapore, banks out of HK, but has its office in Shanghai. And more importantly, it has a fun illegal factory attached to its main office and outside of Shanghai. And they wonder why they make American companies a bit nervous.

Todd is now personally affected by the Sino-US’s minor trade dispute.

Many small companies in China choose not to get an export license. It’s a hassle, expensive and rarely actually needed. They can also rely on their factories to use the “expedited” custom’s certification process. This process has become the reliable back door for most of the companies who “forgot” to register for the legal certification methods. Oddly though, this is the norm. People Todd’s working with all came from jobs at Chinese export companies, some who export to pretty big names in the US, and all of them at their old jobs still used the “expedited” process.

So what was this call from Todd you ask? They shut down the “expedited” process in China over the weekend.

There go US sales.

At least we know all the diplomacy is doing something and Todd has more material for his MA thesis. Honestly, we’ll see how long this crackdown lasts – I highly doubt China will willing cripple a large part of its own economy. If this crackdown was for real, I assume they would also be implementing more measures to incorporate it’s grey economy into mainstream regulations.

One thing that’s also pretty apparent recently here is the increased censorship – fun fact: you cannot access this blog in China – more internet sites are blocked than usual. I’m sure this is just one step in China’s recent attempt to circle the wagons after such high profile embarrassments. I can’t wait for the next installments where China will inevitably finger the evil villains in their midst and purge them. (We all know it can’t be the system at fault that pushed people to illegal factories and “expedited” service, it has to be the evil people involved).

So just a bit of commentary from the ground here, and hopefully I get happier phone calls soon.

Get Your Spice On: Spicy food and big gifts

A recent article I wrote about one of my favorite Sichuan places in Shanghai: Ba Gui Bu Yi.

This would also be the site of Todd’s B-day where we got a private room, went through 3 cases of beer, then went with (Asian) Christine to a shady tattoo parlour to get a tattoo of the her Chinese name which in English mean “Grace”… directly translated though, it means “big gift”. Did I mention this was a lower back tattoo and she’s got some junk in the trunk?

Yes, we did try to stop her.

Then Todd’s boss dropped by in the middle (I remind you on his birthday) so they could make some client calls. They were professional enough though to go to the bar next door and not do it IN the tattoo parlor.

All in all a good night though. Check out the article if you’re interested.

China “Business Speak”

Words take on a whole new meaning when doing business in China. Here are some terms you might think you know, but get a whole new meaning when doing business in on this side of the world. I’ll admit I didn’t come up with these but reposting seems like a better idea than reinventing the wheel – or in this case, the dumpling.

“Expatrapreneur – Westerner who starts a new business in China. Usually involves a number of business plan rewrites, false starts, mental breakdowns, racist rants, cries for help, fits of despair and alcohol dependency. Potentially your best bet when looking for local professional service providers…

Dot.CN — China’s internet industry. Venture Capital firms are said to be chasing after start-ups in Beijing and Shanghai with buckets full of cash. Company’s are being started with no business plan or earnings model. Investors are valuing companies based on multiples of anticipated revenue because there are no earnings. In no way related to the Dot-Com boom in the US during the 1990s because it can’t happen here. (See GRAVITY — Myth of )

Gravity — A mythical, non-existent force reputed to pull high-flying things back to Earth. Does not apply to China or things Chinese.

China Premium -– Paying inflated prices for a company or opportunity that is almost certain to lose money – usually in or related to China. Usually paid by the same people or companies over and over. Only works when you can get someone to pay YOU the China premium.

DDE – Dangerously Disgruntled Employees. In America, we worry about these guys showing up with a shotgun or an M16. In China we worry about the lawsuit and the weblog. If you’ve never seen a lawsuit-driven media event in China, you’re in for a treat. They are passionate, public, humiliating, and can go on for an inordinate amount of time. Usually good fun, unless its your company getting sued. [You fired the guy for stealing computers and doing a lousy job, but now you have to write a letter apologizing for insulting the nation? Go figure.]

Face – as in “to lose face”. I’m not really sure I know what this means. It seems to be something that showed up in a western movie or book about China and then took on a life of its own. It’s the business etiquette version of “Chow Mein” — it seems to have vaguely Eastern origins, but now bears little resemblance to anything a Chinese person would really recognize. It never, ever helps you. It puts all the responsibility on you to modify or limit your responses, but does not seem to have any impact on how locals treat you or the agreements you have just reached. If someone ever warns you about making someone else “lose face”, it’s going to be a VERY expensive conversation.

MWM — Mainlander With Money. News weeklies will tell you that every third Chinese was a penniless alley-urchin who built a manufacturing empire out of dreams and empty plastic bottles — but most of the local yuppies in Shanghai or Shenzhen work directly for big, international companies. The Chinese middle-class is here, they have money to spend, and they only like 1/2 of your stuff. It’s your job to figure out which half. Oh — and they want to spend their own way. They’ll buy the Buick, but they want to buy the Buick in Chinese. Maybe. Sometimes. It’s your job to figure out the details, but the money really is there. And there’s more on the way…

SCM — Special Chinese Method. What all young, male mainland Chinese seem to believe exists to solve any conceivable business challenge. Note: Unless you are cooking, writing, or bribing local officials, THERE IS NO SPECIAL CHINESE METHOD!! Or rather there is, but it will not result in an outcome that you consider to be successful or effective. If there really were SCMs that worked, you wouldn’t be here, now would you? SCMs are invariably simple, require little pre-planning but much post-disaster management, and usually involve handing over money or valuable equipment to an employee’s classmate’s friend’s neighbor’s colleague’s son. Would you really be surprised to hear that it never, ever works?”

Rohan’s B-day/Shanghai Ultimate Party

This past weekend was a lot of fun celebrating Ro(han)’s B-day. Won’t go into much detail and I’ll just let the pictures do the talking. We started the night at an Indian food place, aptly named Indian Kitchen. Here’s the B-day boy himself with Isabella (owner of La Bella’s, a sweet bar here). You can check out a vagablond post I wrote about it… only minor conflict of interest.

Check out the other problems he got himself into here. The next night was the SH Ultimate Frisbee 50’s themed party. You can also check at pictures in the link above, but I do want to share the dueling robots who crashed the party in case you miss the link.

He Has A Point

Although he might be a little angry, the writer of Diligence China more often than not is on to something. He has a recent article which you all might find interesting and it’ll give you a good idea about what working here is like. Check out the whole article here but here are the parts I found most interesting.

“Chinese nationalism is back, and international managers have to be very careful. As the banners and demonstrations at the gate’s of Danone’s Wahaha subsidiary underscore, Chinese leaders are more than happy to whip up public opinion to serve a wide range of goals. The problem is that once the genie of nationalism is out of the bottle, it’s impossible to contain.

Recent Chinese economic gains have raised expectations in two ways that are both significant to ex-pat managers and investors. 1) Chinese people believe that any frustrations, shortcomings or failures are YOUR fault, not theirs. They have been conditioned to see themselves as the natural heir to economic and industrial ascendancy. Any blockages or pitfalls must have been placed in their way by outside forces. 2) Westerners and foreign institutions are plotting against the rise of China. The average mindset in China is that western institutions are “tired” and outdated – and their only defense against the rise of China is trickery and manipulation. You will hear more and more of this line of reasoning when intellectual property or product safety laws are invoked – particularly on the international level.

Know which subjects to avoid, or at least where to tread carefully. Tibet & Taiwan are obvious. Hopefully you are aware that to the average Chinese person, Tiananmen is an architectural structure whose main historical significance is as the site of Mao’s address to the Red Guard. There was never any massacre there as far as most of your Chinese staff and managers are concerned. Chinese colleagues think that government censorship of the internet is a virtuous system that protects children, that media controls are necessary and party membership is akin to joining the Rotary Club or Chamber of Commerce. They probably don’t understand why Darfur matters (at least to them) – but believe the Beijing Olympics is one of the most important events in modern history. Don’t be lulled into misconceptions by sophisticated-sounding Chinese colleagues who take a worldlier, cynical line. Once the banners start waving, every critical word you’ve ever uttered – or agreed to – will be used against you…

Be sensitive to the symbols. Mainland Chinese yuppies like to sound sophisticated and modern. Don’t buy into it. Chinese people revere Mao. They revere their flag. They respect the Party, at least as far as you’re concerned. They think the Chinese legal code is the best in the world. As far as the symbols go, you want to be very careful whenever the Chinese flag is used – but also watch out how images of Mao, dragons, the map of China, images of “common” Chinese workers and historical or traditional Chinese personalities are handled. Don’t fall into the trap of believing what the NY Times or hip business mags have to say about the “Chinese street”. The people around you tend to be MORE patriotic and loyal towards their government than US people are…”